At first, it was exciting. It was what I had been waiting for, for about 1 year and 8 months. But shortly we started getting on each other’s nerves - we frustrate each other. Chuck sold his house so he had to stay with me at my apartment… which wasn’t big enough for two people. He started criticizing me on my living, which starting to frustrate me after sometime. I started becoming a bitch because well, that’s me when I’m unhappy. This relationship is becoming really hard because we had so much space beforehand and now, we hardly have some. We started arguing - a lot. And that affected our sex life too. Which made us even more frustrated.
I started questioning our decision living together in New Orleans. But I tried to think that it might be because the living space is not big enough. I moved out and put my stuff in the storage then Chuck and I flew to Indonesia (Jakarta) to see my family. They really liked him. Although it was kinda awkward because they thought he was my fiance (in my culture, you only bring someone from far away to the family only if you’re serious enough… which I am). Then we flew to Bali and while we were having a great time, the argument didn’t stop.
We got back to Houston and had to stay at Chuck’s friend’s house for 3 days because we were both homeless. We kept arguing and at some point, I just had it. I had to get out from the house so I just drove around and kept thinking about this relationship. When I got back to the house, I told him something that I never thought I’d say: “I’m giving up, Chuck. I give up.”
For the first time I saw the most hurtful look in his eyes that I regretted myself already. I didn’t wanna hurt him, but I was emotionally exhausted. I really felt like I wasn’t the one for him. I wanted to let go. But he said “no. I don’t wanna lose you.” We made up but we argued again within two days.
This time, we both had it.
But then I started to think about all the good times and not the negative things. We have had a lot of good memories. I started thinking about all that time waiting for him to come home. I started to think about all that time waiting for the distance to be over. I started thinking about me coming to see his family on Christmas twice already… and him coming all the way across the country to see my family.
I started thinking, do I really wanna waste all that? The answer is hell no.
I know this is going to be hard for about 5 months (according to a friend of ours who’s been in a similar situation). But I know, we know it will get better. We know it can be fixed. We just need to be a team.
This relationship may never be perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. All I know is that I was about to live the phrase you don’t know how much someone means to you until you lose them - But I don’t ever want to and I won’t.
And so we poured us a glass of Chivas 18 and made a toast for our new life in New Orleans. Cheers.